[phoenx]

Tinder is a dumpster fire. Ive used Bumble and have tried using travel mode which allows you to change your location. Ive been learning Japanese and German and its helped to learn but Ive also met great women. Average looking dude here at best but plenty of matches when I would change my location. Locally though its much more difficult to find matches unless theyre much older than me, divorced, or single moms.

[Leucosticte]

Don't use them

[Germanauto]

Originally Posted by Chihuahua

Disagree. If you approach someone in public you are differentiating yourself from all of the boys using the apps. It takes confidence to do that, and women can smell confidence from 1000 miles away (not to mention it is arguably the thing they're attracted to the most). You have to be able to read whether someone is even attracted to you or not before you even think about approaching someone. Don't be a douche-canoe about it and it works a million times better than any app.

I do agree with one thing you said, and that is that society is skewed.

Partly agree but I also feel when approaching women, nowadays we are already competing against at least a few guys they're talking to on apps or on IG. I've done a lot of cold approach over the years, usually at bars/clubs but occasionally during the day, overall with some success but not as much as I'd hope.

[ryan stewart]

Originally Posted by Germanauto

Partly agree but I also feel when approaching women, nowadays we are already competing against at least a few guys they're talking to on apps or on IG. I've done a lot of cold approach over the years, usually at bars/clubs but occasionally during the day, overall with some success but not as much as I'd hope.

Honestly in person, even the last time I was single (where apps were already a big thing), had always been my go-to mode to meeting people. Eventually thought I ended up with being setup by scheming friends, etc.

The thing with going in cold is we just ended up sleeping together and finding out we had fuck all in common. I mean that is the issue right? Can you look at someone and tell what they are like, what they are into, etc?

It was always like this flow chart
1. Im attracted to her, chat her up.
2. Ok, we can hold a conversation, but were both out with friends and it stays light, I gotta get her number.
3. Ok, we can maintain a few dates as we talk about pasts, futures, but everyone is still putting their best foot forward so its hard to tell
4. A few weeks later I realize I don't actually know this person or she as saying she is into X because she was into me, should I keep going?

The apps, at least with the honest ones, its like a job posting. Everyone just puts their pros and cons out there from the get. Sure people can lie but it seems like they are so bad at it you can spot a BS profile a mile away.

[CTinline-six]

Originally Posted by ryan stewart

Honestly in person, even the last time I was single (where apps were already a big thing), had always been my go-to mode to meeting people. Eventually thought I ended up with being setup by scheming friends, etc.

The thing with going in cold is we just ended up sleeping together and finding out we had fuck all in common. I mean that is the issue right? Can you look at someone and tell what they are like, what they are into, etc?

It was always like this flow chart
1. Im attracted to her, chat her up.
2. Ok, we can hold a conversation, but were both out with friends and it stays light, I gotta get her number.
3. Ok, we can maintain a few dates as we talk about pasts, futures, but everyone is still putting their best foot forward so its hard to tell
4. A few weeks later I realize I don't actually know this person or she as saying she is into X because she was into me, should I keep going?

The apps, at least with the honest ones, its like a job posting. Everyone just puts their pros and cons out there from the get. Sure people can lie but it seems like they are so bad at it you can spot a BS profile a mile away.

Yeah this is huge. You can have an idea of what you are getting into. Nothing like chatting up a woman you are attracted to and later find out she is a disaster. Obviously still can happen (and has) with apps, but easier to steer clear if all of her pics are of her doing lines of coke or with all her kids from 4 baby daddies.

[ASAP]

Originally Posted by ryan stewart

Honestly in person, even the last time I was single (where apps were already a big thing), had always been my go-to mode to meeting people. Eventually thought I ended up with being setup by scheming friends, etc.

The thing with going in cold is we just ended up sleeping together and finding out we had fuck all in common. I mean that is the issue right? Can you look at someone and tell what they are like, what they are into, etc?

It was always like this flow chart
1. Im attracted to her, chat her up.
2. Ok, we can hold a conversation, but were both out with friends and it stays light, I gotta get her number.
3. Ok, we can maintain a few dates as we talk about pasts, futures, but everyone is still putting their best foot forward so its hard to tell
4. A few weeks later I realize I don't actually know this person or she as saying she is into X because she was into me, should I keep going?

The apps, at least with the honest ones, its like a job posting. Everyone just puts their pros and cons out there from the get. Sure people can lie but it seems like they are so bad at it you can spot a BS profile a mile away.

Man, I know I've mentioned this before...

Also know that Linkedin gets 600 applicants for one job at times... 90% of them are completely non starters (out of country, entirely unqualified etc)... another 10% may be qualified... 5% may get a resume reviewed by a hiring manager and at best 5 will get an interiview and that's already high...

If we translate that to dating apps... it doesn't look so good...

The problem with the app is... what is stopping the girl from looking and looking and looking? Thinking there is ALWAYS something better... the answer is almost nothing... so while I went on a few dates I knew these chicks were always talking to like 10 other guys... now how is this supposed to work? That's not how it worked back in the day.

[CTinline-six]

Originally Posted by ASAP

Man, I know I've mentioned this before...

Also know that Linkedin gets 600 applicants for one job at times... 90% of them are completely non starters (out of country, entirely unqualified etc)... another 10% may be qualified... 5% may get a resume reviewed by a hiring manager and at best 5 will get an interiview and that's already high...

If we translate that to dating apps... it doesn't look so good...

The problem with the app is... what is stopping the girl from looking and looking and looking? Thinking there is ALWAYS something better... the answer is almost nothing... so while I went on a few dates I knew these chicks were always talking to like 10 other guys... now how is this supposed to work? That's not how it worked back in the day.

Yep, that's why most of them will be forever single. Banking on finding that one amazing guy who is 8 feet tall, makes a million a year, is good looking, and somehow doesn't have his sights set on anyone else. Meanwhile they work at Target, have 4 kids with different guys, and a drug problem.

[ASAP]

Originally Posted by CTinline-six

Yep, that's why most of them will be forever single. Banking on finding that one amazing guy who is 8 feet tall, makes a million a year, is good looking, and somehow doesn't have his sights set on anyone else. Meanwhile they work at Target, have 4 kids with different guys, and a drug problem.

Well to be fair... i always was on the apps in major metro areas so the girls i always talked to were quite successful... i.e. Doctors, Lawyers, in Finance, Media Managers etc... BUT that created the same problem if not more... now you have the independent woman who doesn't really need a man and is here just for validation or perfection

it doesn't work either way lol... and finding a Normal girl with a Normal Job (nurse, secretary, whatever) and no past is virtually impossible lol

[CTinline-six]

Originally Posted by ASAP

Well to be fair... i always was on the apps in major metro areas so the girls i always talked to were quite successful... i.e. Doctors, Lawyers, in Finance, Media Managers etc... BUT that created the same problem if not more... now you have the independent woman who doesn't really need a man and is here just for validation or perfection

it doesn't work either way lol... and finding a Normal girl with a Normal Job (nurse, secretary, whatever) and no past is virtually impossible lol

I mean everyone has a past, but it is how they think of themselves. Confidence is nice, but self awareness IMO is more important. There is nothing wrong with someone who is independent, but you have a lot of people (from both sides) who believe they are God's gift to the planet and need a reality check.

[ASAP]

Originally Posted by CTinline-six

I mean everyone has a past, but it is how they think of themselves. Confidence is nice, but self awareness IMO is more important. There is nothing wrong with someone who is independent, but you have a lot of people (from both sides) who believe they are God's gift to the planet and need a reality check.

Correct and that's the fault of primarily social media imho... some of these reels and stories that are being created about relationships are things that would have NEVER even gone thru my head or most girls when I was growing up.

[Germanauto]

Originally Posted by ryan stewart

Honestly in person, even the last time I was single (where apps were already a big thing), had always been my go-to mode to meeting people. Eventually thought I ended up with being setup by scheming friends, etc.

The thing with going in cold is we just ended up sleeping together and finding out we had fuck all in common. I mean that is the issue right? Can you look at someone and tell what they are like, what they are into, etc?

The apps, at least with the honest ones, its like a job posting. Everyone just puts their pros and cons out there from the get. Sure people can lie but it seems like they are so bad at it you can spot a BS profile a mile away.

Yeah all valid points. The apps get some of the bs out of the way, but have opened their own can of worms. People are extremely picky and unwilling to compromise now. I'm picky too, but statistically speaking chicks are REALLY picky.

I do feel like real life connections work if you're say, part of some class or hobby group. Or you meet a friend of a friend in a social setting, wedding, etc. I know some couples who met that way.

Maybe it's time for me to join Barry's gym loll.

[ASAP]

Originally Posted by Germanauto

Yeah all valid points. The apps get some of the bs out of the way, but have opened their own can of worms. People are extremely picky and unwilling to compromise now. I'm picky too, but statistically speaking chicks are REALLY picky.

I do feel like real life connections work if you're say, part of some class or hobby group. Or you meet a friend of a friend in a social setting, wedding, etc. I know some couples who met that way.

Maybe it's time to join Barry's gym loll.

are you in LA as in Los Angeles or Louisiana? i set hinge to Los Angeles just for the heck of it and it is insane how quickly i am getting matches... and indeed the girls are top notch

[Germanauto]

Originally Posted by ASAP

are you in LA as in Los Angeles or Louisiana? i set hinge to Los Angeles just for the heck of it and it is insane how quickly i am getting matches... and indeed the girls are top notch

I'm in Los Angeles. Yeah I get a lot more matches here than anyplace else I've lived. But actually getting them out on dates isn't a guarantee, they often match with Chad the next day and ghost. Still I've had a more robust dating life here than anyplace else.

Lot of entertainment/artsy/hippie wannabes here too. If you're looking to date a doctor, investment banker, attorney, software engineer, etc. it's tough.

[ASAP]

Originally Posted by Germanauto

I'm in Los Angeles. Yeah I get a lot more matches here than anyplace else I've lived. But actually getting them out on dates isn't a guarantee, they often match with Chad the next day and ghost. Still I've had a more robust dating life here than anyplace else.

Lot of entertainment/artsy/hippie wannabes here too. If you're looking to date a doctor, investment banker, attorney, software engineer, etc. it's tough.

you have to tell them you are a CEO which is usually code for "unemployed"

[Germanauto]

Originally Posted by ASAP

you have to tell them you are a CEO which is usually code for "unemployed"

Loll yeah anything pertaining to "freelance," "founder," "CEO" i'm wary of.

Every single chick I've approached when out, especially at bars, is at best something along those lines. Hinge isn't much better.

[ryan stewart]

Originally Posted by ASAP

Man, I know I've mentioned this before...

Also know that Linkedin gets 600 applicants for one job at times... 90% of them are completely non starters (out of country, entirely unqualified etc)... another 10% may be qualified... 5% may get a resume reviewed by a hiring manager and at best 5 will get an interiview and that's already high...

If we translate that to dating apps... it doesn't look so good...

The problem with the app is... what is stopping the girl from looking and looking and looking? Thinking there is ALWAYS something better... the answer is almost nothing... so while I went on a few dates I knew these chicks were always talking to like 10 other guys... now how is this supposed to work? That's not how it worked back in the day.

Honestly nothing cant stop that IRL too, if youre out and about everyone can keep thinking they can do better.

The dumbest app though I think is Hinge, you dont really put any type of profile, its just pictures and prompts. The ones where you can talk about yourself helps a lot, you can see how much effort they put into (not that its a lot, but come on cant you spend 30 seconds talking about what you do?).

But yeah a lot of swiping still. But that is simple, no raw face shot and no body shot not even going to look at the profile. Then if there is NO effort on their end from chatting from the get move on.

Honestly Bumble seems to be the best so far, forces women to do SOMETHING. Signed up on Friday, have 21 chats going and 3 successful dates under my belt.

[ryan stewart]

Originally Posted by Germanauto

Yeah all valid points. The apps get some of the bs out of the way, but have opened their own can of worms. People are extremely picky and unwilling to compromise now. I'm picky too, but statistically speaking chicks are REALLY picky.

I do feel like real life connections work if you're say, part of some class or hobby group. Or you meet a friend of a friend in a social setting, wedding, etc. I know some couples who met that way.

Maybe it's time for me to join Barry's gym loll.

Maybe its LA, Im in Atlanta but Im no "Chad" or whatever.

Whats your deal? Are you pushing 40 trying to nail 20 year olds? Because Im sure that is one reason dudes flip out on this. But Im 42 and matching women in their 30s all day, seems to be mostly 31-37 go for me. I have swiped left on some women in their 40s who take care of themselves (athletic is a rule because I am too, but Im not a bodybuilder or anything) and have gotten a couple of responses from them as well.

I have gotten likes from a few in their 20s but like what we gonna have in common? Id suspect those are the ones looking for expensive meals or sugar daddys.

[Alfisti]

Honestly man, if (when) my marriage goes to tits I am just living alone. This sounds like a massive PITA.

[Germanauto]

Originally Posted by ryan stewart

Maybe its LA, Im in Atlanta but Im no "Chad" or whatever.

Whats your deal? Are you pushing 40 trying to nail 20 year olds? Because Im sure that is one reason dudes flip out on this. But Im 42 and matching women in their 30s all day, seems to be mostly 31-37 go for me. I have swiped left on some women in their 40s who take care of themselves (athletic is a rule because I am too, but Im not a bodybuilder or anything) and have gotten a couple of responses from them as well.

I have gotten likes from a few in their 20s but like what we gonna have in common? Id suspect those are the ones looking for expensive meals or sugar daddys.

I'm 30. Generally matching with 24 - 45 range. Love me some milfs lmao.

Elephant in the room, I won't get into it much, but race matters too. Us minorities are not 1st preference for the majority of people. There's plenty data supporting this.

[ASAP]

Originally Posted by ryan stewart

Honestly nothing cant stop that IRL too, if youre out and about everyone can keep thinking they can do better.

The dumbest app though I think is Hinge, you dont really put any type of profile, its just pictures and prompts. The ones where you can talk about yourself helps a lot, you can see how much effort they put into (not that its a lot, but come on cant you spend 30 seconds talking about what you do?).

But yeah a lot of swiping still. But that is simple, no raw face shot and no body shot not even going to look at the profile. Then if there is NO effort on their end from chatting from the get move on.

Honestly Bumble seems to be the best so far, forces women to do SOMETHING. Signed up on Friday, have 21 chats going and 3 successful dates under my belt.

Originally Posted by ryan stewart

Maybe its LA, Im in Atlanta but Im no "Chad" or whatever.

Whats your deal? Are you pushing 40 trying to nail 20 year olds? Because Im sure that is one reason dudes flip out on this. But Im 42 and matching women in their 30s all day, seems to be mostly 31-37 go for me. I have swiped left on some women in their 40s who take care of themselves (athletic is a rule because I am too, but Im not a bodybuilder or anything) and have gotten a couple of responses from them as well.

I have gotten likes from a few in their 20s but like what we gonna have in common? Id suspect those are the ones looking for expensive meals or sugar daddys.

Few things-

1) It can happen in real life but not the same way... most people aren't setting up a date and then randomly find another person on the street to do it again with the next day. The apps allow that... so again more choosiness. Sometimes the dates are so tightly scheduled, they can't even think about you because they already thinking about the next dude.

2) Conversely, I feel Hinge is the best... because it's the slowest and forces people to take time with their selections... its not an easy swipe and go. You are limited to only a few matches a day. Bumble to me seem sexist... its women first... no idea why... you can match with 100 people and hear from 1... Tinder is straight up ratchet... stay away from that.

3) Age - I agree... I am 34, my minimum is 28... going below that puts us at significantly different age spectrums... no idea what's going thru that girls mind and if I was 25... i would feel the same way... why I would I want a 35 year old dude... only to live the dan bilzerian life i guess. The low to mid 30 women seem real cool... but you have to be careful with those as well... because it begs to ask, why aren't they yet taken?

[ryan stewart]

I could see where race might be an issue, I do look like the Nazi student propaganda poster guy. But that is a different issue to chicks ditching you for matching a "chad" whatever.

Originally Posted by ASAP

because it begs to ask, why aren't they yet taken?

Same could be said for us...

So far I haven't run across the chicks scheduling a run of dates, its been "hey when can we get together again?" Like said it seems like the ones who are lazy about it and just using it for validation or whatever are easy to spot and swipe right on. As far as it being "sexist" I thought the idea was they weren't just bombarded with dick pics or whatever.

[OF Hero]

Originally Posted by Alfisti

Honestly man, if (when) my marriage goes to tits I am just living alone. This sounds like a massive PITA.

LOL