08-30-2018, 02:30 PM | #23 |
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Started bad: Blind date. No pictures, just a brief description that she might be "a bit chuncky" I prefer curves, so no biggie. Get to the house, open teh gate and walk to the door. Knock, and this large dike-looking woman answers. High/tight, jeans, boots, sleeves rolled up. Well, I'm here, and I'm still hungry so WTF.
Good: that was her sister I married the other one a few years after. |
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08-30-2018, 02:35 PM | #24 |
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I won't lie, I have no shame, I've been told this a time or two. The way I see it is that just because their last boyfriend was hung like John Holmes or that due to some freak bastardry of nature you could yodel in there doesn't say anything about me. I've been told "ouch" more times than the inverse so I'm comfortable with who I am.
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Sea-Tac1448.00 |
08-30-2018, 02:39 PM | #25 | |
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DETRoadster11493.50 |
08-30-2018, 02:56 PM | #26 |
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I had a buddy just tell me this story this weekend:
He went to Panama for a bachelor party. He doesn't speak a lick of Spanish. Swiped right on Tinder. Matched up on a cute chick. Met up at breakfast date. She took him around on a tour of the country and he got to smash it out at night. Win-Win. |
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King Rudi13070.50 |
08-30-2018, 03:01 PM | #27 | |
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08-30-2018, 03:02 PM | #28 |
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I'll tell a bad one on myself. In my 20's, my step-sister lives in a larger city about an hour away and works in a bar. She sets me up on a date with her co-worker whom I have not met or seen. This is early days of cell phones, we're talking Motorola Star-Tac. On my way to meet said date, she calls and tells me she has to work but rather cancel, she wants me to come to the bar and hang out while she is working and we plan to go to a "party" afterward. Sold. I get to the bar and I'm intorduced to her....... she is smoking hot! She is very cool, very funny and drop dead gorgeous. We hit it off really well, joking around, giving each other a hard time back and forth and making fun of the bar patrons....I say bar but it was more of a nightclub. As the evening goes on she continues to give me drinks for free. It seems that every 15-20 minutes she is bringing me another drink, soon I'm in over my head. The bar gets really warm, the room is spinning, I break out into a cold sweat and then it happens. The lights come on, it's closing time, as she walks up to me I'm completely taken aback at how amazingly beautiful she is. She comes over and give me a kiss and tells me she has to clean up, change clothes and we'll head to the party.....it's at that very moment I projectile vomit all over her. I have never in my life been so embarrassed.
She was an absolute champion. She went to the bathroom and cleaned the alcohol she had been steadily delivering me all evening off her chest and out of her hair then she drove me to her house. She apologized time and time again for getting me that drunk. She even mentioned that she was impressed at how well I held my liquor. She was waiting for me to tell her I had enough and I didn't want her to throw out drinks she had already made without asking. After she took a shower, we may or may not have consumed something to pick me up and sober me up rather quickly and went to said party. The party we went to is a story all by itself. If any of you ever get invited to go to a Rastafarian Nine Night celebration/funeral it is something to behold. An entire hotel was rented for the celebration/funeral of one of her close friends mother. I only remember bits and pieces of this night. I do remember getting back to her house around 10:00 a.m. and sleeping there for a while before I went home. We dated for a few months until eventually I became jealous of all the guys that she was getting attention from and we ended it amicably. She was a blast, very forgiving and nurturing. I always enjoyed going somewhere with her and every guy in the place trying to figure out why she was with me. We just seemed to have fun like a couple of small kids together. |
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08-30-2018, 04:58 PM | #30 |
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Do you not have a cool story bro?
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08-31-2018, 02:03 PM | #31 |
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08-31-2018, 02:27 PM | #32 |
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Bad: I tried my hand at online dating when it first came out. I messaged a girl I thought was cute, turns out when I went to pick her up it was her mom. I felt bad for her and we went to this bar for drinks and I felt people's eyes on us.
I was 23 at the time, she was probably 44-45. Not horrible, but no Stifler's Mom...it was probably the most awkward date I've ever been on...got worse when she attacked my throat with her tongue in the car when I dropped off and jumped out of the car like it was the most normal thing in the world and asked me to call her again. Never did. I just sat there and thought...WTF just happened. Good: I met my wife's best friend in Santorini when me and a bunch of friends were vacationing. In 1 night of knowing me, she told me she had the perfect girl in Montreal for me. (5 hours from Toronto) I was like no fucking way I'm doing the long distance thing...well after they came for a visit and I was introduced to my future wife...the rest is history.
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08-31-2018, 05:38 PM | #33 |
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The Good: Met a girl on the internet one time, we went out for drinks, and then another night she wanted to come over and have drinks at my place. We were chatting and enjoying some nice NZ Sauvignon Blancs when she wanted to play some truth or dare - that was cool. It was all relatively innocent (some truth, she dared me to give her a foot massage etc.) and then I dared her to dance for me on the rug in front of the fire. Dance. She interpreted that as strip, and lets just say the night got better from there!
The Bad: Met a girl on the internet (notice a theme here) and we chatted for ages - she wrote the most entertaining emails. Long story short she needed a ride into the university the next day, and I was heading to town for a meeting, so I offered her a lift, and we decided to hang at a coffee shop before we had to be at our respective places. Longest 2 hours of my life. For someone who wrote the most entertaining emails, she could hardly say more than 2 or 3 words in a sentence. I spent the whole time asking her questions to just get a very short answer and that was it. So painful. The Ugly: Met a girl on the internet (surprise surprise) and agreed to have dinner with her. Went to pick her up to find she had used her younger (MUCH younger) sisters pics on the profile, and looked NOTHING like her sister. Being a gentleman we still had dinner, but that was the end of her pretty fast! |
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08-31-2018, 09:34 PM | #34 |
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As I'm divorced now I've had quite a few in the last 10 months.
The Bad: Met an atty IRL who was super hot blonde, extremely charming and a bit eclectic. Went out a couple of times and there is a little chemistry but not outstanding. Decide to give it one more try and did dinner and a movie. She shows up 2 glasses of wine in, has 2 more at dinner and orders one in the movie. The slurring starts just as the movie starts. She's 5'0, 97#'s. She starts commenting on the movie quite loudly and won't stop. 3 days later, when the movie finally ends, she attempts to leap to her feet and promptly falls over. I get her back in the seat and we sit until the theater empties. I then get her on her feet and walk her back to her condo. One hour later she FaceTimes me and to no ones surprise, she had another glass of wine in her hand. Last date. The Bad MKII Online date: Super cute. Amazing legs. She shows up in a very nice dress which she obviously put on just after she plowed the south 40 and milked the cows. She didn't smell good. I made an excuse after the first drink and left. The Good: Online date: Shows up for a drink. She is EXACTLY what she looks like online. Super hot, great sense of humor. Amazing kisser. A few dates and I decide to brave a movie. We walk in and I see one of my parents good friends and the retired dean at the Law School. I say hello as she goes to the bathroom and when she returns I tell her all about the encounter with my parents friend and we enter the theater. We find our seats and guess what...they are next to the Good Professor. She leans over and whispers to me, "That's your parent's friend, correct? to which I reply, "Um, yes?" Without warning, she leaps into my lap and starts making out like we're teenagers. Keep in mind the Esteemed Professor is Indian by descent and extremely conservative. This goes on for several minutes and when she stops she just looks at me with a lopsided grin on her face. He shortly gets up to grab a drink (he returned with one) and as soon as he stands, she grabs me and starts kissing me again. She randomly kisses me and jumps/moves over to my seat several more times until the movie ends. When the lights come up again, the Esteemed Professor looks over at us and says, "Please give your parents my best, Mr. K_________. I hope you enjoyed the parts of the movie you could see." After he passed, we laughed our butts off. More later.
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Sir 7ewis, 7X FIA Formula One World Championship, World Driving Champion. 100 Wins. 101 Pole Positions. 54 Fastest Laps. Actual Rain Master. Leave me to it, Bono. One Race Win in each of his 15 years in F1. Most Laps Led in Formula One. The Centurion. Last edited by MKSixer; 08-31-2018 at 10:03 PM.. |
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irishbimmer1136.00 King Rudi13070.50 |
08-31-2018, 10:02 PM | #35 | |
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08-31-2018, 10:07 PM | #36 | |
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There was one who's primary focus of the conversation was around the various brands of trailer homes. Yes. Trailer homes. I'm not a snob by any means but I do require a certain level of sophistication in order to have interesting conversation. The updates on the latest trailer home technology is of zero interest to me. It was a double blind date. A friend of a friend fixed us up. She was hot, however!!
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Several actors have played James Bond, Sean Connery IS James Bond...
Sir 7ewis, 7X FIA Formula One World Championship, World Driving Champion. 100 Wins. 101 Pole Positions. 54 Fastest Laps. Actual Rain Master. Leave me to it, Bono. One Race Win in each of his 15 years in F1. Most Laps Led in Formula One. The Centurion. |
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irishbimmer1136.00 Deroberson5.00 |
08-31-2018, 10:08 PM | #37 |
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Here on Neptune there is no such thing as dating. Bio sensors merely signal genetic opposite receptors or depositors within two hundred or so hectares and mating begins at a predefined location and time. What your species calls foreplay on Neptune is essentially preliminary mating ritual lasting anywhere from 25 to 31 lunar cycles. Mating then begins in earnest lasting 30 to 75 lunar cycles. If progeny is desired by the participants mating cycles drop to between 30 and 45 lunar cycles.
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08-31-2018, 10:11 PM | #38 | |
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Several actors have played James Bond, Sean Connery IS James Bond...
Sir 7ewis, 7X FIA Formula One World Championship, World Driving Champion. 100 Wins. 101 Pole Positions. 54 Fastest Laps. Actual Rain Master. Leave me to it, Bono. One Race Win in each of his 15 years in F1. Most Laps Led in Formula One. The Centurion. |
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08-31-2018, 10:31 PM | #39 | |
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08-31-2018, 10:46 PM | #41 | |
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08-31-2018, 10:50 PM | #42 | |
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08-31-2018, 11:45 PM | #43 |
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Well, you better not date me cuz I'm showing up 10 drinks in and will only be blah blah blahing about BP.
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09-01-2018, 01:52 AM | #44 |
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Good-ish: when I was shopping around for my first apartment I settled on one that I liked. So happy, I took my "gurls" (gay term for close gay friends) to see the place. As we were looking over the property I looked out of the kitchen window and spotted the hottest Latin dude that I'd ever laid eyes on. I didn't say much to the "gurls" but my mind was gone. As we were leaving, the dude was out with his friends and looking at us and we were doing the cat call thing, just joking around having fun. When we got in the car, he kept his eyes on me and I threw up a head nod to say "what's up wit'chu?". Oh my friends gave me hell cause I'm a dork/stalwart and really don't make any moves on ANYONE, so me even acknowledging anyone speaking to me was a big step!!
As we were leaving he kept watching, and I told my friends "I'm gna marry THAT man!" Fast forward to move in date and I'd gotten most of the stuff in the apartment and me and my "gurls" cooked out to celebrate the move in and they slowly dispersed as the night went on and went home. As I was cleaning up things this man grabbed two beers and made his way over. When I came back out he was standing at the back porch with two beers and said "Sup!" and introduced himself in typical Latin fashion by announcing his complete name with all surnames included. In the poorest English I've ever heard "My name's NAME WITHELD NAME WITHELD, u wanna beer?" He said all 4 names...omfG SN: I'm a sucker for VERY masculine men and this man OOZED masculinity...he practically Breathed it...Woo Lawd...I MELTED, but held it together, and thankfully I speak fluent Spanish so the communication gap shortened. We had more beers and talked as the night went on, connecting like no other that I'd ever met in the history of LIFE. And then I made the biggest mistake of all. He offered to help me unpack and I invited him in. Not much unpacking got done because this man had me spellbound and somehow we ended up having the most intense sex for hours upon hours. I'm not "easy" but ol dude had this one in the bag from the get go. The next day he asks me "who's moving into this big place with you" and I say "no one, just me." "You need a roommate?" And this is what I call the longest "one night-stand" I've ever had. We lasted 5 years before he was deported. I came home one day and he was just gone... Many good times and bad, but mostly good. The first person that my family accepted as Uncle Fred's "friend" lol. My Mom (the ultra conservative Southern Baptist Christian still asks about him....) There'd be nights we would just lie in bed and he'd ask "how could you care for me? I'm no one, I'm like a dog in the streets, people just throw me away...WHY do you Love me so much?" and I'd reply "because I do...you mean something to me AACV" (I'd say his full name because he liked that). I haven't dated much (if at all) since this because I don't much care to experience this sensation again. We were from two totally different backgrounds, me educated and upwardly mobile and he a "straight" illegal immigrant from El Salvador that happened to fall in Love with another man. I still wonder what happened to him and if he still thinks about me the way I do him...idk. But this is my "good-ish" experience, and my infamous one night stand that lasted 5 years...heh. Btw I told yall that I was "wordy" and talked a lot...above post is a prime example. |
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