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The M40i definitely rides firmer than the X5. I have a buddy with a 2019 X5, and my 2020 M40i is more sporty and firm feeling than his car. 100% agree about the seats being a bit flat, and not quite as supportive as his seats. I came from a 535xi with M Sport package, and I liked those seats better than the seats in the X3.
One other thing - the level of luxury is definitely a step lower, even when you order the X3 loaded. It just doesn't feel quite as nice, even though it's a great car. I will say this, it is a blast to drive - sporty, fun, tossable, go to jail quick, and I'm happier behind the wheel of this car than I ever was in my 5 series.
Drive them both - one will speak to you more than the other - either are going to make you happy.
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