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Tow truck guy tried jumping it when he pulled up- nothing initially. The battery was dying anyway, so I'm getting a new battery right now just to have one less thing to worry about. For 200 bucks I'd rather not second guess myself every step of the way from here on thinking 'what if it actually is the battery'.
I did put a wrench on the pulley, wouldn't budge even with about the same torque as you use for lugs i'd say. Time to try it without the plugs in case it somehow did get hydrolocked. My understanding is there's nothing that should be preventing me from turning it short of catastrophic engine failure but even with that barring some extremely wild cases I should still have some play which I'm not seeing.
I'm coming more to terms with just towing the car up to a friend's house and buying an engine for it.
EDIT: Just saw your post at the same time I submitted- timing chain's the next thing I'm gonna look at before I pull the valve cover, through the cap.
That's what I'm wondering- could a completely locked up valvetronic actuator stall the engine? I wouldn't expect it to but maybe something got jammed in a weird way?
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